My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
