it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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