Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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