I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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