Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
