mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
