you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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