I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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