I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
