what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
