Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
