i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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