i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
