Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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