Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am available for nakedness
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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