Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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