Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
