you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
