I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
