I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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