like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
