dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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