he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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