So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
where are my eyebrows?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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