the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
