im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
