And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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