Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
