Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
