I should be sponsored by Trojan
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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