I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
