I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
