in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
