feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
