I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
