Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
