i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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