it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
