What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
