Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
