i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
