But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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