to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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