Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
