why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
