the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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