He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
