i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is my gift to your gina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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