i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
