Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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