i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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